You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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