no, he came in my armpit
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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