So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
