Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize