So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
