no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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