yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
