Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
