Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
