Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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