I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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