Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
