don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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