I am spending my child support on dildos
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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