Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
