What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
