Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
