Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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