I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
