What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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