Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

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(734): View more from Michigan

My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...

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(224): View more from Illinois

States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos

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(404): View more from Georgia

I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!

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