Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
