Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
