I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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