we're blogging at a bar
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
