Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
