Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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