last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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