Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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