I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
