i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
