worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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