saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
