I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize