i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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