Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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