The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
