Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
