so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
