Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
