i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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