I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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