yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
