I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
