I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
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