How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
