oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
