Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We are all done wearing pants today
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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