Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
