you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
