So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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