My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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