That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
