I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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