Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Damn victory sex feels great
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize