first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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