You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
