my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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