Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
