Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
