In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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