Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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