We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
