Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
