I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
