he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
