I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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