You smell like a Billy Joel song
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
