All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
