my mouth tastes like poor choices
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
