If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
