I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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