Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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