I'm lost and stupid without you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
