can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
