I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
