blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
