what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
