There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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