apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
