My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
