I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
