the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think your dad took our porno
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
