just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
