dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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