I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
