But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
