how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
