After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The adults are the big ones right?
He did a backflip because drugs
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
