not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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