I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
