? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
